Childish Jealousy

Hey again! Maybe I need to cut down on the posting since this is my third in a row and midterms are coming up.... Anyway, here's an old post I wrote that I never uploaded. I can't seem to get it off my mind. Some information is out of date, unfortunately. Enjoy!

When did I get so old?

So here I am at 5 am still awake after a night that didn't end until 3. I found myself running to my friend's room because I couldnt sleep but that just resulted in too much body heat for one dorm bed. So I left. I don't know what's going on in my head right now. I wish life was as simple as it was in first grade. Back then boys had cooties, the future seemed so distant, and you could make up with your best friend by bringing her favorite lollipop to school the next day. Kids were trusting, fearless. Nothing could permanently hurt our worlds or our hearts. Everything was carefree and i remember that my biggest problem was when my mom mixed up my lunch with my brothers and I ended up with a pb&j sandwich. Not everyone had it so easy when we were young, but even those problems seemed distant. What happened? Yes I am now more educated, more mature, but what has that done for me? Tonight I fended off several inebriated guys, worried desperately about the future, and eased the drama with my best friend. My world has become so complicated and I just want it to be simple. I want words like " I'm sorry" "I promise" and "I love you" to mean something again. I want the future to feel limitless. I want my relationships to be carefree. I want to be 6 again. These are the things I think about at 5am on a Saturday morning. I should be sleeping but I need to clear my head. I'm going to go for an early morning run and maybe I can close my eyes and convince myself that the world is simple. Maybe I can convince myself that all those words mean something. Maybe, just maybe, I can convince myself that I am a kid again